Office Memorandum

TOP SECRET AGENCY

TO ALL EMPLOYEES
DATE: May 16, 2014
FROM DIRECTOR, TOP SECRET AGENCY
 
SUBJECT ACCESS TO THE ARMORY WILL BE RESTRICTED UNTIL FUTHER NOTICE

We are currently investigating solutions to the rodent situation in the office. While I understand and share your concerns, apparently there are some things that need to be clarified:

  1. Shooting the rats with your service weapon or any weapon from the armory, lethal or non-lethal, is not acceptable under any circumstance. It doesn't matter if you "never miss" or used a suppressor - do not discharge your firearm in or around the office ever as a method of rodent removal.
  2. "In or around the office" means the surrounding area including but not limited to the alley and street
  3. We are a clandestine organization and as such screaming "I'm a motherfucking secret agent! I'll fucking kill you!" at the manager of the burger restaurant across the alley is generally detrimental to our operations (even if they are the source of our rat problem).